...what is this terrible, acidic diaper rash?

My daughter, at seemingly random points, would get this can't sit down, raw red,  at times even bloody patched rash. And, like, that's not normal. After multiple trips to the pediatrician with zero help, I thiiiiiiink the ONLY search result that was helpful was this mom from Life with Gremlins, and it was a lifesaver. 

Now there are a few sites, but the summary is this:

>it's almost definitely dietary-- tomatoes (ahem, pasta sauce?), citrus (juices, or even dried cranberries, too!), even lactose can convert if your kid is already overloaded

>it could be associated with malabsorption; I haven't delved into this yet since it goes away when I remove the food source cause

>the best remedy I found is:

   1. Cutting the foods out (pea protein milk was a great alternative!) and doing the BRAT diet (bananas, rice, apples, toast) to help slow the poops until the acidity is under control.

    2. Instead of wiping, dab and then throw them into a quick baking soda bath to neutralize the acid; this makes a huge difference. I put like 2-3 inches of water into our bathtub, add 1-3 Tablespoons of baking soda, and let her plan for a few minutes. Then air dry.

    3. Finally, apply Neosporin all over the rash, then a diaper paste (like Boudroux's), then on top of those two, put diaper ointment (like Aquafor). 

    4. Change that baby more frequently than normal (like every 1.5-2 hours or less), letting their bottom air out in between. 

 

This basically stops it in its tracks. Good luck.

...what are the different types of sponge cakes?

Oh man. I have to stop watching the Great British Baking Show and/or I need to hit the gym.

But it has me trying to learn as I listen, which makes watching it seem suuuuper productive and not a time suck... right? So I was wondering, and this is going to sound ridiculous, but what types of cake are there? I think my main take away from watching several seasons is that a Genoise is made by beating the hell out of egg whites. And the more air in there, the more the oven heat will make those bubbles expand and that's what makes the cake rise. WHOA, I know stuff!!

-----------------(cue charming BGGS intro music)---------------------------------

What kinds of cake are there? Two. There are two kinds.

1. Butter (or "shortened")
butter/margarine/vegetable shortening = dense, moist
think: pound cake, yellow cake, most cakes in the U.S.

2. Sponge (or "foam")
little to no fat + usually larger proportion of (often separated) eggs = light, airy
think: sponge cakes, angel cake, Swiss rolls, tres leches (yes!), madelines, lady fingers

Key notes on sponge: 

-little or no butter, or it won't rise

-might just use whipped eggs/whites, but might also use baking soda or cream of tartar if there IS butter

-maybe don't grease the pan? it might help it climb and rise more.

-great for gluten-free because it's the eggs that give the structure, not the gluten

Basically: whip egg whites with caster sugar, then fold in flour.

...what are the best practices to prepare/be a new mom?

So my daughter is seven weeks old now-- this might even be the first time I've typed/written the words "my daughter"!--and I wanted to put together the tiniest bit of hindsight for anyone else out there preparing. Also as a reminder to myself for future kids.

Wardrobe & workout:
When I was pregnant (January-October), I invested in one really good pair of Jessica Simpson maternity jeans and another pair of her jean shorts. They looked super cute in a normal way, and you can re-wear without too much notice. I also bought two or three pairs of maternity leggings... some of my regular ones made it through most of my pregnancy, but the maternity ones just felt sooo much better. And then I could use like half of my dresses over them, which greatly upped my wardrobe. It was kind of crazy how many dresses fit; as long as the waist band fit, the bottom just went over my belly and looked pretty cute. Basically, don't doubt them without trying them on! Bra-wise I didn't need new ones too badly until the end, and then once I had her I really really really needed some non-underwire easy-access bras. They're called "sleeping bras" or something, but are really just for ALL THE TIME. I mean, where are you going? Nowhere. And if you do go somewhere in the first two months, you need access, and these do just fine. I would avoid the clippy bra ones, they are not as easy to use, and while they look good/similar to a regular bra, I'd much more recommend getting a few dark colored bras like these:

My life basically went on as usual. I worked out but toned it way down (still did Crossfit / weightlifting, but not all the moves and definitely not going for PRs or anything), though it was tough to find good blogs about it. Here are a few #CrossfitPregnant blogs:

https://crossfitandpregnant.com/

http://boxlifemagazine.com/crossfit-training-during-pregnancy/

So basically, I made my wardrobe stretch as much as possible with a few key pregnancy items: 

1 jeans, 1 jean shorts, 1 sweatpants, 1 casual shorts, 1 nice capri, a few tank tops, a few tshirts, 

one pretty shirt, and one dress (I went to a wedding!). The best idea is to save it and pass it on to a friend, which my friend did for me. I used her collection, added to it, and will return the favor!

Registry & Books to Read Before

>100% recommend reading Expecting Better by Emily Oster. 

Economists are the coolest people. Oster earned her undergrad AND Ph.D. at Harvard and taught at Booth and Brown (current?). She has gone through the experience and did the research for us-- she doesn't give recommendations so much as data that she's culled for longitudinal research with significant norm size. Love it. Didn't need anything else. She's coming out with a parenting one next year called cribsheet that I CANNOT WAIT TO GET. 

The Registry

For our registry, I made one after receiving a bunch of hand-me-downs from friends who were done having kids. Then I had friends who'd recently had babies look it over and tell me what we were missing or what we really probably wouldn't use. My coworkers also threw me a "book shower" which was fantastic! They coordinated, too! The best other things to have:

The big ones:

>a swing. Thank god for that swing. 

>an infant carseat. Did you know infants have to have their own carseat? And then you'll need ANOTHER ONE in like a few months? Jesus. Buy one that uses the same base (the part you keep strapped into the car) so you can at least have the bonus base to share with your partner or caretaker if you have one. 

>a kid carseat.

>a crib.

>reusable diapers (see separate post on this)

>crib mattress

>a pack-and-play that has a bassinet setting (our daughter sleeps in this next to us still)

>a play gym thing

>a monitor-- perhaps one with an app? We got iBaby.

>If you're into it, perhaps a subscription to a developmentally leveled box of the month like Love Every. :) 

   

Medium stuff:

>a bottle warmer (we don't use it much, but when we need it, it makes a difference! We have a cheap one)

>a cozy carseat cover

>a baby back-pack thing

>a cute carseat shade/cover

>water resistant crib mattress cover

>a mobile

>a happy nightlight for you/her during those late night feeding frenzies

>cute decorations? 

>Breast-friend cushions (or something like it) for feeding. I have two that were given to me and I keep one upstairs and one downstairs. 

>crib sheets

>bottles! so far we just use the smaller 4-6 ounce ones, and since I'm mostly breastfeeding, we really have like 4-6 of them in rotation. We like Dr. Brown's with the anti-colic thing.

>a drying rack for her stuff. The grass one is actually pretty handy with all the little fiddly bits.

>bandannas for her spit up/drool! These save SO MANY OUTFITS.

>a bottle brush is nice. 

>Diaper Genie (OR you can just use a $3 HomeDepot orange pail to soak your reusable diapers like we do!)

>a cool-looking backpack baby bag

>a humidifier

>room-darkening curtains

>reusable diapers (again, see other post for recs/hard lessons learned)

>a diaper sprayer for reusables

Smaller stuff:

>to go with your breast pump, it's been clutch to have extra shields/connectors and valves/membranes. I have like 12 extra valve/membranes from maymom, and I bought six extra shield/connectors (the personalfit ones work for me. figure out your size first. I don't know that I "figured mine out" so much as realized that one size worked/fit fine and just decided to get more of that one. This is super important because doing extra dishes every single damn day is not something anyone needs, with or without a baby.

>reusable boob pads--I like Bamboobies or you can get a set of six not as concealable organic bamboo ones from Bed, Bath, & Beyond for like $6. 

>one or two size small sleepsacks; a medium one. I don't know yet if she'll need or use a large one.

>a cute breast feeding scarf

>it's been really really nice to have like 4 baby size chompies (pacifiers) and things to clip them to her. I stash them all over.

>at least 6 burp cloths. 

>changing pad + we have three changing pad covers. The best one is the water-resistant (read: pee-resistant) one. 

>additive free detergent (you do not need Dreft or whatever unless you want the baby smell. That's an invention. We use Seventh Generation.)

>All the wipes. Please try the Seventh Generation ones (or other more conscious ones) because this is a major environmental bummer. There are reusable ones, but I'm not there yet. Maybe you will be?

>giant tupperware containers to store different size clothing in

>Nose-Frida (way way way better than the bulb sucker things, and v necessary)

>rash creams

>breast milk storage bags & an organizer

>microwavable sterilizer bags--you won't have to do this forever and each bag is usable 20 times!

>hand-sanitizer

>Gripe water (absolutely murders hiccups!) and gas relief-- there's something doctors call "the storm" for like weeks 6-8ish. It's a real gas storm. :(

>a safety kit with a butt digital thermometer. Don't waste money on the head scanning one. It's only caused us mega stress that dissolves when I use the real butt one. 

>a laundry basket for her

>safe dish detergent, like Dapple or green choice

Please no...

***FOR THE LOVE OF YOUR BABY, ask people to NOT buy you clothing. You'll still get THE MOST clothing. Like, you will have to do laundry only once a month. Or at worst, all she really needs are like six pajamas to rotate for the first few months, maybe one cute outfit for if she goes out. And fuck shoes. Warm little slipper-booties, sure, those are great. Socks, I guess. But fuck shoes. And blankets. For the love of god, babies are not supposed to sleep with blankets (says conventional contemporary doctor wisdom that seems to make sense), so I have twelve hand-made blankets we don't use.  

We also never swaddled her (think baby-burrito) outside the hospital. Some kids like it I think? But this means we have like ten "receiving blankets" we will never use. 

Finally, wrapping and gift bags. Just buy some name cards for people and ask them to skip the wrap or gift bags. We asked people not to wrap and now I have a thousand baby-girl-specific gift bags. I'd be specific about both. Then you don't have to do the stupid "watch me unwrap and pretend to overreact to everything I ASKED for". I'd also recommend having people pre-address their thank you cards for you (awesome friend idea)... then you pick one out like a raffle and that person gets a gift. Saves so much time!

Post-lifestyle

Things that'll make your body feel better after: 

>Bamboobies nipple balm. It helps and you don't have to wash it off before you breastfeed. 

>Frida-let -- angled and way better than the bottles the hospital gives

>ice packs to sit on

>Tucks witch hazel wipes or Earth Mama witch hazel perineal spray. Or you can DIY. 

>lots of button down / easy access shirts and loose clothing

>hot showers. good for direct heat on hard boobs and indirect heat for wounded vags. 

>hemorrhoidal ice pack pads that are awesome and generic brand ones aren't too expensive. 

I made some pad-sicles with witch hazel and stuck them in the freezer. They kind of worked for a few minutes, but not well and wouldn't recommend. 

I have been watching a ton of Great British Baking Show and whatever else on my phone quietly while she sleep-eats. Save those binges! You can also read, but I am normally an avid reader and somehow haven't done much of it so far. 

Okay. That's all I have the brain power for for now, but I feel so much better! :) Good luck, you're doing GREAT! :D

...have any women ever ridden in the Kentucky Derby?

So I was wondering about ladies. I figure we tend to be more jockey sized, anyhow, right? So I wondered if the fairer sex has ever won the Derby, or Belmont/Preakness. And for that matter, have they even won as trainers? Owners? Why are there so few?

There really isn't a good reason for so few. Shocking, I know. :) We make weight easier (*note: this is not a personal strength) and stamina/strength isn't an issue. As one rider in the above article put it, "The horses are the ones running around." It seems like the overall reasoning is that female jockeys aren't given enough time/rides to reach mastery. The most successful women who are able to compete are largely in the position to do so because their fathers are owners/etc.

For example, the first woman to receive a jockey license was Anna Lee Aldred, back in 1921. While it seems obvious that anyone who has parents in a particular field has an advantage, Anna Lee is another example, as she was the daughter of a trainer.

The highest placing female jockey placed 5th in the 2014 Kentucky Derby: Rosie Napravnik. So, no 1st place winners thus far! Here's an adorable photo of Rosie competing in pony racing. HILARIOUS. I need to go see a pony race! Sidebar: I also learned about an amazing charity~ Old Friends. They started in 2003 when Ferdinand, a Kentucky Derby winning horse, died in a slaughterhouse. Not cool. How unfair to win thousands of dollars off a horse and then throw him/her away like garbage. Donate to this amazing charity!

Finally, without wanting to set back women jockeys, I found out that 4 women have died in the last 14 months riding. No men. Everyone says it's a freak coincidence, however, but who knows?

Want to know more about specific ladies? Check out this Wikipedia page.

...how do you import alcohol?

Like... IMPORT, none of those pour-absinth-in-a-Scope-bottle hijinx. I fell in LOVE with this one cider whilst abroad and my gluten-free little heart was so happy... and now I need to get it to Chicago. En masse.

Wowza. Just to start, Illinois requires me to fill out / get:

Heeellllllpppppp meeeeeee....

...what are the warmest boots readily available to me?

Okay, so I admit that I've been reluctant to pull the trigger on the Canada Goose coat. In fact, I went to TWO stores, tried on different styles, decided on the medium Trillium Parka in Pacific Blue and asked that my family contribute to that coat as my Christmas gift. But, according to the manager at Woodfield's Nordstrom, Canada Goose blew up (I attribute this fact to my recent blog post, obvs) and didn't have good enough import/export practices in place... so now, especially because of the animal products/coyote fur, they are being held up at customs. Woo.

While I haven't committed money to that coat yet, I still need to replace my old Timberland boots (from college like 10 years ago) which have held up admirably... until recently beginning to leak in spite of me waterproofing them every year. So I took to Google and found The Wirecutter's AWESOME winter boot test + results~ they really thought this out, and you can read their full report here.  I ordered them. $120 is worth it for another decade of warm, dry feet! Plus Zappo's has free shipping and free returns. Here's what Wirecutter said in a nutshell:

"After more than 30 hours of research, six expert interviews, 18 bouts of dunking boot-clad feet in frigid water (with six catastrophic boot leaks!), salt baths, and donning sophisticated temperature and humidity sensors most commonly used in frozen food container shipping, we found that the Columbia Bugaboot Plus II Omni-Heat Winter Boot is the best winter boot for most people. It’s available for men and women."

...what is THE warmest coat? And how bad is live plucking?

So Christine Mastony over at the Trib was wondering the same thing~ and since she's got journalistic power I don't have, she got tons of lovely coats sent to her to sample & test out! Apparently Canada Goose is the SHIIIIIIIIIIIIT.

I was looking at Patagonia, who was advertising "never live plucked feathers" and went down that rabbit hole. Their video was THE grossest, saddest, cute video I've ever seen:



Sooooo.... then I had to do all this research to find out that the U.S. banned live plucking (which must mean it's pretty bad indeed) BUT we import so much down from China, Poland, and Hungary that it's pretty much a moot point because they have no such regulations. In fact, 50-80% of Ikea down USED TO be live plucked!!! :( So my pillows might be sad pillows. They've since phased out / dropped these business relationships, so yay. 

Then I was all like, "What about this Canada Goose miracle coat company? Because I'm pretty sure it mentioned coyote fur." According to their website, "For Canada Goose, functionality is paramount. Our jackets are built for the coldest places on Earth – places where skin around the face can freeze in an instant. In these environments – when life is on the line – fur is not just the best choice, but the only choice.

We do not use fake or faux fur because it simply does not protect as well as real fur. Faux fur is only a fashion statement and does not act in the same way that real fur does to protect skin from frostbite. Fur trim around a hood works to disrupt airflow and create turbulent (warm air), which protects the face from frostbite.

We strongly support the ethical, responsible and sustainable use of fur. We only purchase fur from certified Canadian trappers, who live close to land and maintain traditions that have been passed down through generations. They have a profound respect for nature, and we are very proud to support them.

The trapping of fur-bearing animals is strictly regulated by the provincial and territorial wildlife departments in Canada. In fact, Canada is the world leader in humane trapping methods, providing the scientific basis for the Agreement on International Humane Trapping Standards (AIHTS), which establishes the required standards for approval and certification of animal trapping devices.

We have chosen to use real coyote fur because it is highly abundant. In fact, in many regions of North America, coyotes are considered a pest as they attack livestock, endangered prey species, pets and sometimes people. We know that whether or not people want to wear fur is a personal choice, and we respect that. In turn, we hope that people will respect our ethical and responsible use of fur."

And about their down, "Canada Goose is deeply committed to the preservation of our global environment and the humane treatment of animals. We never use down from live-plucking and only purchase down that comes as a by-product from the poultry industry." Well, I'm on board with that. Now I just need to save up for a few months (years?!) and maybe find a sale, then it's time for a coat! :) 

...why is EVERYONE (re)watching Gilmore Girls right now?

(read at Gilmore speed:)

Yeah, my friends and I are on the same page. A lot. Yeah, we juuuuuuust had a Gilmore Girls marathon two weeks ago... but are we really the mavens that set this ball rolling? Even my acquaintances are watching GG. Strangers and I have struck up conversations about it. I, for one, thought the show sounded lame until 2008 when, during a dark period, I needed something to get me through and found every episode on DVD at the local library.

I digress. Why are all these people on the same page as me? I like having my own esoteric page that you have to flip around for and then aren't even certain what book it's in~ will the women of Chicago all be on the same cycle next?! Talk about a natural disaster. How could we keep up the chocolate supply? Also, have you noticed how little they eat in teh show? Every bite is the tiniest bite! ARGHHH!

Hypothesis: The show ended in 2007. It was 7 seasons. 2014 is 7 years later soooo... some sort of Fibonacci effect?

Reality: Netflix... they started streaming it on October 1st. Aha. Pretty obvious.

This is creepy. What kind of control does Netflix have over us?? What else could their powers be used for? :X Speaking of monopolies and streaming...




Here's the Net Neutrality petition if you're interested~ it took me 1.5 minutes:

http://www.fcc.gov/comments    Click on the first one (14-28)!

...does the average deodorant cause cancer?

The good news is that studies are pretty inconclusive. ABC News said that deodorant "probably [doesn't] cause breast cancer" and the NIH's NCI (National Cancer Institute) said that "there is no conclusive evidence" that it does.

The bad news is that the NCI went on to say that "This study found that the age of breast cancer diagnosis was significantly earlier in women who used these products and shaved their underarms more frequently. Furthermore, women who began both of these underarm hygiene habits before 16 years of age were diagnosed with breast cancer at an earlier age than those who began these habits later." Sooo... not a cause necessarily, but related somehow. The American Cancer Society poked some holes in the experiment making this claim, however, citing issues such as, "But the study design did not include a control group of women without breast cancer and has been criticized by experts as not relevant to the safety of these underarm hygiene practices... Of note, the study asked about underarm products that the women were using at the time the questions were answered, not what they used before they developed breast cancer." Snopes and WebMD seemed to agree/recycle the same facts. The National Center for Biotechnology Information (NCBI) was not quite as reassuring, and really focused more on the absence of proof in either direction.

I guess my take on this is that... I'm going to make sure my deodorants have no parabens in them and may try out some natural deodorants. While they cost more, I'm pretty sure that I only buy deodorant like once or twice a year, sooooo probably worth it. Back to good news!: there ARE effective hippie deodorants! :D According to my cross-poll of research done by HuffPost and NY Mag, here are the top 5 faves:

*Note: The ACS went on to mention that the incidence of cancer rose with the use of oral contraceptives. Ugh.

...what makes cats vom?

Yeah, I abbreviate vomit. Get over it. Also, I realized just how much insight into my life these posts have~ you can kinda track my little existence here, interests and time line and whatnot. I digress.

So, my cat vommed 3 times today. :X She's been fine since adopting her a week or two ago, but this spurred me to move a LOT of house plants "out of reach" (is anything really ever out of reach for an interested cat?) and to be generally concerned. I mean, that's a lot for someone who usually doesn't vom. Did you know Pet MD is part of Web MD? Here's what they say, which makes sense but isn't super helpful:

"You have probably seen your cat vomit from time to time without much concern. Vomiting can be a result of something minor, like a cat consuming his meal too quickly, or it can be a sign of a much more serious condition that requires immediate medical attention. Usually, a cat vomits because he ate something disagreeable, ate too much or played too soon after dinner. Vomiting can also be associated with gastrointestinal or systemic disorders.

Some causes for a sudden episode of vomiting, or acute vomiting, include:

• Bacterial infection of the gastrointestinal tract
• Diet-related causes (diet change, food intolerance)
• Gastric or intestinal foreign bodies (toys, hairballs)
• Intestinal parasite
• Acute kidney failure
• Acute liver failure or gall bladder inflammation
• Pancreatitis
• Post-operative nausea
• Toxins or chemicals
• Viral infections
• Certain medications"

Cool. So anything can make my cat barf. It's also rather amusing that the only two words Pet MD defines are "cat" and "vomit." Well, I DID clip her nails right beforehand, which she h-a-t-e-d even though I'm really good at and nice about it. And before THAT we played a lot with other little cat. Plus she's been eating his kitten food which is new for her, and she ate her wet food real fast. I feel that sufficiently explains it, but in case it continues and just to check, here are some plants that make kitties sick, thanks to ASPCA.

Shit. I have a mini aloe plant AND a flamingo flower. It seems like the aloe one should be okay since she threw up and is now eating a treat then running around a ton. Back to normal? I'm still moving everything away, however. I'm going to assume she's okay now that I've moved everything, she's eating, and she's running and playing. :X

...what to do with this leftover, scummy paint?

Apparently just throwing it out is not a good idea. If you have good paint, save it or give it away. Don't be a douche and "dry it out" or use kitty litter, because that litter could be put to cat use AND YOU WILL PROBABLY NEED THAT PAINT. Touch ups. New projects. That time you tried to move a couch into your apartment and it juuuuuuust fit.

Anyhow, my paint is super old and has flakes in it, so you have to look up your town and paint disposal, then just bring it in. For Chicago:

City of Chicago:	1150 N. North Branch on Goose Island Tue:  7 am - Noon Thu:  2 pm - 7 pmFirst Saturday of every month:  8 am - 3 pm
	Visit the City's web site at www.cityofchicago.org. Phone:  311 or for general info:  312-744-7672

...how to make my own Kombucha? And what the f is a SCOBY?

This one's for my friend Michelle, who survives largely on Kombucha and popcorn. Let's keep her daily 'buch costs affordable, shall we?

Summary:
1. Boil any loose leaf tea ("one tea thingy" full), add 1/8-1/4 c. sugar. Let it cool.

2. Add a scoby (symbiotic colony of bacteria and yeast).. or make your own from a Kombucha tea you bought at the store, though I've heard it might not work anymore? Make sure to "keep hands real clean" but don't use antibacterial soap, and also use glass as metal can, over time, hurt that poor little scoby doby doo.

3. Cover with a cloth and let it hang out away from direct sunlight for like 7-10 days, depending on temperature.

4. Take off scoby mama and save it for next time with like 10-20% of your kombucha. To the rest, add some clear (no pulp!) juice or some such for flavor. :) You can use herbs, fruit, whatevs, and even infuse it and then strain if you want it really clear.


Once you have a Scoby of your own, you can add it again and again and another Scoby will grow on top of your "mother" Scoby (someone shoot me now). You can then give this Scoby to a "friend".

You can also order scobies (scabies?!) online, fresh are best: Kombucha Kamp!

Pretty basic (and suuuupes chill) vid:



Full deets from The Kitchn: http://www.thekitchn.com/how-to-make-kombucha-tea-at-home-173858

Yeah!

...how do I murder a zipper?

Because I haaaaaate this f'ing thing so hard. If zippers were murderable, I would. Actually, I may have. The good news is that you can easily fix it, the bad news is that only as long as you didn't buy some p.o.s. zipper like I apparently did. Thanks, Joanne Fabrics.



If that wasn't your particular issue, or "North Carolina Prepper" didn't seem to address your needs, Life Hacker (which seems like a site I need to go to more often) has your back

...what plants grow in JUST shade?

I love old Chicago buildings. Sometimes they mean you get weird nooks and crannies, or a bonus living room. Sometimes they mean you have two windows in your apartment that form a tiny heat wind-tunnel triangle with a brick wall.

There's little to no sunlight here (think Bane's "The Pit" but not in the desert). Some plants that don't just handle partial shade, but complete shade:

Impatiens, Forget-me-nots, Begonias, Lily of the Valley, *wild* Violets, and Pansies.

How Stuff Works has a good list with quick, useful details, but not all of these love complete/full shade.

If you're like, "Hey, what is this planting zone thing? What zone am I?" you can enter your zip code on the USDA Plant Hardiness site and it will tell you the deets.

...how to take a cutting of a plant?

*work with new growth
*healthy dark green leaves (not light green or flowering)
*should be 2-5 inches
*strip the bottom leaves
*a single fluorescent light or indirect sunlight is good. Not direct.

Unshockingly, most of the how-to I found was from the UK. The plants I want to "propagate" are... well, a lot. I'm kinda just experimenting here because I have a eensy bit of garden space for once AND an empty pot or two. :) WikiHow was a big winner here, as it seems to offer the most lazy man's methods. I liked these easy tips on why NOT to root just in water, even though that's what I'm going to try first.

Hydrangeas-->
-Same tips as above. Choose one with a woody base, make it about 5 inches or so. Apparently hydrangeas are easy to propagate, so I'm just sticking them in some water and will change it frequently.





<--Succulents:
-Samesies. Stick a good sized cutting in water, then replant in a planter that isn't much bigger than it. They like cozy homes. *This isn't my hand. In case you haven't noticed, I'm trying to get out of doing a lot of work but still do things that usually take a lot of work. So finding a picture that looks like one I'd take and upload was handy. :)


Here's a short (albeit unstable) video that shows you clearly what to do:



All in all, do these things to just about any plant. Some are hardy and will regrow pretty much no matter what, while others are fairly delicate and would do better if you bought root growth hormone and made it a mini green house with a plastic bag or plastic pot cover. I'm not ready to mess with / invest in those yet, but you can also make your own root hormone from willow clippings (don't have one) or from honey... this one is so easy I might even try it! :) Just boil a 1:3 ratio of honey to water, let it cool completely, and then dunk your clippings in it before sticking them in moist (ew) soil. Yay!

...about not having tapioca "pearls" or whatever. (And other peach pie issues.)

Mariano's had a mega peach sale the other day. Amidst patting myself on the back for finally mastering the art of "skinning" peaches (I did it, Paula! don't overdo the time in the boiling water and ice water REALLY means ice water), I was like, "Damn! I should really share this slippery peach moment. Eh, that's not really long enough to post about." But then I ran into more questions.

Tapioca pearls? What? I don't have those.
Also, the big ones are gross to me. Bubble tea is like sucking down giant fish eggs. But what are they?

1. It's the starch extracted from the cassava root. If you've ever read Things Fall Apart, you'll remember hearing about it, kinda like yucca (...pretty sure it's not the same). If you haven't read TFA, stop reading this crap and go do it now. Then come back and finish reading.

2. They may or may not cause cancer (Germany says yes, Taiwan says no... but also Taiwan makes it). This appears to be less about tapioca and more about sketchy manufacturing practices; apparently, chemicals we figured out in the 70's were no good are still hanging around and getting mixed in, albeit in small amounts. Not that tapioca is otherwise good for you... it's like 100% carbs. Eesh: "One cup of dried tapioca pearls (152 grams) contains roughly 544 calories, 135 grams of carbohydrates, one gram of dietary fiber, zero grams of fat, and zero grams of protein." 

3. Also if you're allergic to latex, you might be allergic to cassava. Also, I feel bad for you. If you cook cassava wrong, it can produce cyanide, which is super deadly to eat. GREAT. But I think one cassava has been tapioca'd, it's past worrying about cyanide, so that's cool.

4. How to replace? Well, you can use 1/2 the amount corn starch instead. Or some ratio of flour. Bad news is that tapioca can handle being frozen and thawed, whilst corns starch apparently cannot. Great time to find this out as my frozen peach pie fillings are already IN THE FREEZER. Guess I'll add more before baking?

Great. Moving on. I also have all these peach pits, and if you read my "how to use the whole duck" post, you'll know I like to not waste. So what can I do with them? And what are those almond looking nuts inside? If this turns out to be where almonds come from, I'm going to feel like a real asshole.

>Okay, that little nut things is a "noyau" (thanks, French people) and is NOT an almond, only almond-flavored. I've definitely eaten one before, on a whim, which is always a great reason to eat things, so when YET ANOTHER CYANIDE reference came up, I was duly creeped out.
Wine break.
Back. Btw, that wasn't really because I was that creeped out, I just needed it. I pre-made TWO pies I don't get to eat today, okay people?! Here are recipe basics from Brave Tart (ahaha):

1 peach pit (or other stone fruit pit) per 2 oz. liquid (= 8 pits / pint)
Bring whatever liquid you want flavored to a simmer (yes, even alcohol), then shut it off and leave for 2 hours to overnight in the fridge depending on the depth of flavor you want.

*You can get the noyaux after all this, too. Roast the pits at 400f for a half hour to dry them out after a steep, then crack 'em. To avoid the "scary, scary cyanide" (it may be best not to get cheeky about poison...), roast the little nuts for another 15 on their own and you're good to go.

Apparently even up in Chicago we can grow peach trees. The winter is a weirdly good way to induce them... if you want to grow a peach tree, check this detailed post out. Thanks, Michigan Non-Profit Peach Sponsors! Okay, even I'm maxed out on this. Good luck with your cooking, people, and let's hope the cyanide doesn't get us!




Bonus facts I wish I didn't now know:

-Raspberry and strawberry flavorings are often enhanced (SuperTroopers!) by castoreum. Which comes from beaver glands. Since it's from an animal or plant, however, it can still be listed as "natural flavorings." :X

-Even if I'm eating all these nutrients, what if I'm also eating ANTI-nutrients that block my body's ability to uptake them?? What's the POINT?!?!

...how to move this piano I spontaneously purchased?

Congratulations, me! :) I saw a free piano on the community webpage and didn't get to it in time. Damn. Then I saw one for $300 at this vintage furniture thriftshop place, A World Through Rose Colored Glasses. But it wasn't tuned and I wasn't mentally prepared and that one got sold, too. THEN I went to buy reclaimed wood at the Rebuilding Exchange and they had a piano! For $250!

I have this secret little change purse that I stash $20s away in as "mad money" for occasions like the time I went to Alinea or this piano, so that way I can't judge myself and it doesn't hurt. :) It's like FREE MADNESS!!! It makes me feel like a high roller, because I'm like, "Sure, I'll drop a few hundo, nbd." Anyhow, I bought it. Immediately. I didn't quite realize there were different sizes of uprights, but on Quality Piano Moving's estimate site, I guess I bought the smallest real piano possible. My pitch to the third moving company I contacted (QPM seemed super nice, but $230 wasn't left in that mad money wallet): "Okay, I bought the smallest upright piano sold, the warehouse it comes from has a ramp, and I live only 1.5 miles away and only THREE stairs DOWN in a garden apartment and I promise my bigstrongboyfriend will help you." $160.

I haaaaad been thinking of renting a baby uHaul and trying to wheel & deal since it's like, what? 2 hours? 1.5 miles? I bet I could get a few friends. Plus this video:



But that might still be like $80? Then I was like, "Well. This is a thing not to screw up." So instead of half-assing it, I'm 3/4 assing it by getting this guy, his truck, his supplies, his dolly, etc. So that happens tomorrow... will update. :X I've also heard that after being moved, they might go out of tune. We shall see! Congratulations me?

...how do I erase (peel off) my childhood interior design choices (stickers)?

Soooo when I was little, my parents bought me a really nice, solid wooden dresser. While my mom tried to make sure I took care of it, my dad was definitely the more indulgent. When I entered the Bermuda Triangle of little girl sticker phases, he let me "just put one sticker on". Sure. One sticker.

Now that I'm an adult who has her own apartment but can't afford decent furniture, I figured, "Why not dust off that old dresser, paint it up all super cute, and be all fancy chic?" Reduce, reuse, recycle! Just about, ohhhh, 1,584 stickers to get off first. So here's some how-to:

-Nail polish remover, thanks Huff Post!

-Peanut butter?? Mayo? WD-40, and basically anything with oil, allegedly. Hmm. Gross.

-White vinegar (I had a roommate that 'cleaned' everything with this. Seems like a Catch-22.)

-Lighter fluid? This seems like a terrible idea.

-Goo Gone (oh, really? The goo remover removes goo? Ohhhh thaaaaanks)

By far the most similar question and useful answers came from Metafilter, which I hasn't consciously heard of. People copped to things that made me feel better, too. :) ("To remove 30 year old Star Wars stickers from an old painted wooden door...")  So I stopped there, and decided to just scrape the damn things off with a scraper and use nail polish remover on whatever was left. I'm painting and sticky-wallpaper-ing it anyhow. So the pre- is up above, and I'm not quite at "post" yet... will update soon.

Oh, the spatula irony.

...how bad can Sharknado be?

Bad. Like, "I hope the actors and crew recognized the sheer stupidity of this flick when they signed on" bad. 

According to my boyfriend, they made it bad on purpose. Everyone else seems to agree, so I'll leave it with this Spoony Experiment (whose video I did not watch, largely because it was subtitled, "In which I explain how to properly take a dump on someone's carpet", but the Google search summary said enough for me: "Sharknado is a bad movie made for people who do not appreciate bad movies." Seems like a failed failure?). I mean, I felt bad for Tara Reid (as a [emotionless] MOM).

At the very least, I kept shouting, "No way! Seriously?" because THE MOST RIDICULOUS things kept happening. By the end we were all making the most ridiculous predictions we could and SO many came true that we started placing bets. Like... a girl falls out of a helicopter into a tornado full of sharks, gets eaten by a shark that is somehow alive though flying through the air in a tornado for like a few hours, and then a half hour later another guy dives headfirst into a shark on purpose with a chainsaw and not only survives but finds the girl inside. Boom. Spoiled. Make a bet on it and win some pizza and stop being mad that I spoiled it. 

...when and how to eat a guava?

Unlike many people, when I'm at the grocery store (shout out to Mariano's, woot!) and see something that I can't name or figure out how to cook/eat, I like to buy it. In the past this has included things like dragon fruit (more gorgeous than flavorful, like a non-sweet kiwi) and Chinese bitter melon (should be rechristened the "Chinese really f-ing bitter melon that you can't unbitter, only hope to survive").

Yesterday, it was the guava.

This isn't the most exciting new thing to try eating, but hey, have YOU eaten a guava? I felt pretty good when my Google search returned an entire collection of "how to eat a guava" YouTube videos as well as several "how to eat a guava in 12 steps" links. 12 seems like a lot. But, Men's Health says that guava is one of the "10 Best Foods You Aren't Eating, You Idiot" (the direct address was my addition). Men's Health says you can "score" a guava in higher end produce or Latin produce markets. They have a ONE step process:

1. Eat it. (rind, seeds, everything)

Fair enough. But how do I know when it's READY to be eaten? Whelp, going back to the 12-step Wiki-How dealio, they start off bright green and then turn soft yellow-green (even a little pink) when they're ready. The other standards work, too~ smell it. Good smell = good eat. "Sweet and slightly musky, without even putting it to your nose" says WikiHow. :X Squeeze it. Hard = unripe. Blemishes = bad. 

Since I base my YouTube selections largely on how popular they are, how short they are, and the name of the creator, I chose "livelife365"'s video. He seems like he's totally livin' life 365, I mean the guy is in Hawai'i, and even does hands on guava eating demos:

There seem to be a ridiculous amount of types, and now I'm a little nervous that my guava might turn out to be one of the gooier kinds instead of the above pink interiors. A lot of them look similar on the outside, all nice and green, but this one looks like the inside of a tomato, the consistency of which I do NOT care for.

Also, apparently, Google Guava is one of Google's "core libraries", then it got jargon-y and I'm over guavas now. Maybe I'll eat it later. I just finished a bag of popcorn while writing this, soooo...