...about not having tapioca "pearls" or whatever. (And other peach pie issues.)

Mariano's had a mega peach sale the other day. Amidst patting myself on the back for finally mastering the art of "skinning" peaches (I did it, Paula! don't overdo the time in the boiling water and ice water REALLY means ice water), I was like, "Damn! I should really share this slippery peach moment. Eh, that's not really long enough to post about." But then I ran into more questions.

Tapioca pearls? What? I don't have those.
Also, the big ones are gross to me. Bubble tea is like sucking down giant fish eggs. But what are they?

1. It's the starch extracted from the cassava root. If you've ever read Things Fall Apart, you'll remember hearing about it, kinda like yucca (...pretty sure it's not the same). If you haven't read TFA, stop reading this crap and go do it now. Then come back and finish reading.

2. They may or may not cause cancer (Germany says yes, Taiwan says no... but also Taiwan makes it). This appears to be less about tapioca and more about sketchy manufacturing practices; apparently, chemicals we figured out in the 70's were no good are still hanging around and getting mixed in, albeit in small amounts. Not that tapioca is otherwise good for you... it's like 100% carbs. Eesh: "One cup of dried tapioca pearls (152 grams) contains roughly 544 calories, 135 grams of carbohydrates, one gram of dietary fiber, zero grams of fat, and zero grams of protein." 

3. Also if you're allergic to latex, you might be allergic to cassava. Also, I feel bad for you. If you cook cassava wrong, it can produce cyanide, which is super deadly to eat. GREAT. But I think one cassava has been tapioca'd, it's past worrying about cyanide, so that's cool.

4. How to replace? Well, you can use 1/2 the amount corn starch instead. Or some ratio of flour. Bad news is that tapioca can handle being frozen and thawed, whilst corns starch apparently cannot. Great time to find this out as my frozen peach pie fillings are already IN THE FREEZER. Guess I'll add more before baking?

Great. Moving on. I also have all these peach pits, and if you read my "how to use the whole duck" post, you'll know I like to not waste. So what can I do with them? And what are those almond looking nuts inside? If this turns out to be where almonds come from, I'm going to feel like a real asshole.

>Okay, that little nut things is a "noyau" (thanks, French people) and is NOT an almond, only almond-flavored. I've definitely eaten one before, on a whim, which is always a great reason to eat things, so when YET ANOTHER CYANIDE reference came up, I was duly creeped out.
Wine break.
Back. Btw, that wasn't really because I was that creeped out, I just needed it. I pre-made TWO pies I don't get to eat today, okay people?! Here are recipe basics from Brave Tart (ahaha):

1 peach pit (or other stone fruit pit) per 2 oz. liquid (= 8 pits / pint)
Bring whatever liquid you want flavored to a simmer (yes, even alcohol), then shut it off and leave for 2 hours to overnight in the fridge depending on the depth of flavor you want.

*You can get the noyaux after all this, too. Roast the pits at 400f for a half hour to dry them out after a steep, then crack 'em. To avoid the "scary, scary cyanide" (it may be best not to get cheeky about poison...), roast the little nuts for another 15 on their own and you're good to go.

Apparently even up in Chicago we can grow peach trees. The winter is a weirdly good way to induce them... if you want to grow a peach tree, check this detailed post out. Thanks, Michigan Non-Profit Peach Sponsors! Okay, even I'm maxed out on this. Good luck with your cooking, people, and let's hope the cyanide doesn't get us!




Bonus facts I wish I didn't now know:

-Raspberry and strawberry flavorings are often enhanced (SuperTroopers!) by castoreum. Which comes from beaver glands. Since it's from an animal or plant, however, it can still be listed as "natural flavorings." :X

-Even if I'm eating all these nutrients, what if I'm also eating ANTI-nutrients that block my body's ability to uptake them?? What's the POINT?!?!

...when and how to eat a guava?

Unlike many people, when I'm at the grocery store (shout out to Mariano's, woot!) and see something that I can't name or figure out how to cook/eat, I like to buy it. In the past this has included things like dragon fruit (more gorgeous than flavorful, like a non-sweet kiwi) and Chinese bitter melon (should be rechristened the "Chinese really f-ing bitter melon that you can't unbitter, only hope to survive").

Yesterday, it was the guava.

This isn't the most exciting new thing to try eating, but hey, have YOU eaten a guava? I felt pretty good when my Google search returned an entire collection of "how to eat a guava" YouTube videos as well as several "how to eat a guava in 12 steps" links. 12 seems like a lot. But, Men's Health says that guava is one of the "10 Best Foods You Aren't Eating, You Idiot" (the direct address was my addition). Men's Health says you can "score" a guava in higher end produce or Latin produce markets. They have a ONE step process:

1. Eat it. (rind, seeds, everything)

Fair enough. But how do I know when it's READY to be eaten? Whelp, going back to the 12-step Wiki-How dealio, they start off bright green and then turn soft yellow-green (even a little pink) when they're ready. The other standards work, too~ smell it. Good smell = good eat. "Sweet and slightly musky, without even putting it to your nose" says WikiHow. :X Squeeze it. Hard = unripe. Blemishes = bad. 

Since I base my YouTube selections largely on how popular they are, how short they are, and the name of the creator, I chose "livelife365"'s video. He seems like he's totally livin' life 365, I mean the guy is in Hawai'i, and even does hands on guava eating demos:

There seem to be a ridiculous amount of types, and now I'm a little nervous that my guava might turn out to be one of the gooier kinds instead of the above pink interiors. A lot of them look similar on the outside, all nice and green, but this one looks like the inside of a tomato, the consistency of which I do NOT care for.

Also, apparently, Google Guava is one of Google's "core libraries", then it got jargon-y and I'm over guavas now. Maybe I'll eat it later. I just finished a bag of popcorn while writing this, soooo...